Hebrew Adventures

So as much as I like to claim that I know Hebrew, I really don't know much modern Hebrew at all. And by not knowing much modern Hebrew, I mean I can say about 20 words--and ten of them are numbers. Impressive, eh? What I do know is Biblical Hebrew, which is about as different from Modern Hebrew as Beowolf is from the New York Times, or if you want an Arabic example, as different as Egyptian Arabic is from Quranic Arabic.

Anyway, I have a lot more opportunities to practice my Hebrew in Israel than I ever had in Jordan (surprising, I know). Like when I say please and thank you, and sometimes I even throw in a hello or goodbye just to be impressive.

Today, however, I accomplished my greatest feat. I wanted to take my parents through the Kotel Tunnels (they are tunnels that run under the Western Wall), but when I went to make a reservation this morning, the attendant asked me if I spoke Hebrew--apparently the only tour she could squeeze us in was a Hebrew tour. I told her no, and she said "Even a little?" I quickly realized that my experience in Biblical Hebrew could qualify as "a little," right(?) so I said yes, we would take the Hebrew tour. After all, I had already been through twice, and I basically have this history memorized. And my parents wouldn't know what they were missing!

When I walked up to the entrance, a guard asked me what time my tour was. When I said 12:20, he asked "Is it in English?" I said no, Hebrew, and at his shocked look and hand motion which said, "Why are you going on a tour in a language you don't speak?" I answered with a shoulder motion which said, "What makes you think I don't know Hebrew? I know this site so well I don't need a guide!"

But really, I only did the shoulder motion because I don't know how to say any of that in Hebrew!

So the tour was fine. I understood so much more than I expected. I knew Arabic and Hebrew were close languages, but some of the Hebrew phrases were the same as the Jordanian phrases, which really surprised me! And my parents were quite impressed with my translating ability, even though my dad for some reason thinks I know modern Hebrew.

All went well until the very end of the tour. The guide stopped about 20 feet from the exit, about to explain a water cistern, and my parents and I decided to quietly sneak away. The guide saw us, though, and quickly told me (in Hebrew) that if I didn't leave with the group I wouldn't get an armed escort back. I wasn't worried (the Kotel tunnels come out on the Arab side) because I am not Israeli (and my Arabic skills are pretty much amazing) but I didn't know how to say that in Hebrew. And I was totally embarrassed to speak English to him (although I am sure he spoke it) after attending a whole tour in Hebrew. Awkward! And with the whole tour group looking on!

So I opted for the easiest choice--I just smiled and said "ok, thank you" in Hebrew and quickly walked away.

I thought I handled the situation pretty well, all things considered!